Quiet people

In these times of general acceptance of diversity, I thought that we, too, would finally get rid of the stigma that has followed us for a long time. Something has changed, mostly in our awareness of ourselves. No one is shy about being an introvert anymore. If only the other side, the talkative, smiling and noisy brothers, would begin to see the power of our silence in a world that never stops talking (to paraphrase the title of Susan Cain's great book about us, the "quiet people"), so that it dawns on us too.

Introverts are thought to make up between one-third and one-half of the population. In layman's terms, or because of the abundance of introverts around me, I would say that we are closer to this second number. We are not some fringe group, we are half the planet, and then again, introversion is not a very desirable trait, at least not here in North America.

With us, it was not so unacceptable to be withdrawn, especially not for the female gender. When I was a child, I would often hear: "She's wonderful. Where you put her, she stays." You don't know if it's a compliment or an insult, but come on. Being quiet in one's own world was equated with obedience and shyness, in the ancient sense where these qualities were considered virtues in women. Neither has anything to do with introversion, nor does brooding, brooding, or depression. I am not shy or obedient without question. I'm not sad, I'm not depressed. If I look pensive, it's precisely because I'm thinking about something at that moment.

Later, I was often asked why I was so quiet - should I mention that it was always and only extroverts were interested? For a long time I had a strange feeling - not that something is wrong with me, but that I should be a little more like others and a little less like me, as if I were under a spell. I don't even know if they would understand if I tried to explain - that I am simply like that.

Quiet people are not unsociable, nor are they misanthropes, for the most part. Many an extrovert does not like people and uses them only as fuel. We just prefer a narrow circle of friends, we need our own space and peace. Our friendships are few, but they resist time, distance and breaks in communication. We can enjoy being in a crowd of people, we don't always run away from noisy places, but we need our own mental and physical refuge, because noise and crowds, no matter how fun they are, drain our energy. And as is known, the basic difference between introverts and extroverts is precisely in the way we charge our batteries. Inside and outside.

If we can choose (and we rarely can), we prefer to work alone rather than as a team. If it can't be any other way (and it often can't), we will work together with others (in my experience, extroverts will talk and plan, and we will get stuck and work). We hate when we are put under the spotlight or when we have to introduce ourselves in front of a group of unknown people. They call it "ice breaker" here, and I renamed it "ice maker" because I always freeze with discomfort when they push me into something like that.

Of course, the division between introverts and extroverts is not black and white; if it was, the world would be a madhouse. It's more like using left and right hands - one is dominant, but we tie our shoes with both. I think, and these are my unscientific observations, that this "variety" of mine is somehow more adaptable. Or braver, as you like. We can be open and smiling even against our nature, great teammates even when we know that we could do everything better and faster by ourselves - many of us have the cognitive ability to learn to be social and push through inevitable gatherings without major traumas. After all, there is always the possibility of finding some introverted chameleon in such terrible places, who would rather be anywhere else than where he is, but he had no choice but to come. We recognize each other easily (just glance at the most secluded corners) and immediately immerse ourselves in some meaningful conversation. It's not that we don't like to talk; we just don't use words lightly.

Show me an extrovert who is able to be alone, work independently and enjoy the silence of his thoughts.

I don't know whether we are born or become introverts or extroverts, whether we grow closer to each other or move away from each other throughout life. It is possible that nature, heredity, and environment determine which group we will fall into, and whether we will become nuanced over time or not. My friends are few and mostly introverted because I chose them myself. Some extroverts also broke, but it seems to me that in those friendships I was chosen. We are doing well, although, I would add, what I am to them is not equal to what they are to me.

Here, introversion is still a falinka. Mana. There is little understanding for "quiet people" because the whole system, from education and economy to society and culture of living, is based on individuality and not on character. This is a world made for extroverts.

They don't see, and we don't know how to explain to them, that our "flaw" is the foundation on which their whole world stands.